catching up...camping

On Labor Day weekend Susan invited us to go camping with their family down in Big Sur! Big Sur is down Hwy 1, down the coast of Cali near all the Redwood trees...aka Gorgeous!!! We have a tent that we had used only once (before kids...) so we thought it sounded wonderful! They have a HUGE camper and offered to let us sleep upstairs but we decided to try the tent thing and had a blast! It was warm enough we didn't freeze and it was fun to all snuggle together at night.

The camp site was right near this stream (aka FREEZING) but super fun for the kids. Ry even had to brave the cold to go down the "rapids" with bud.


Mckinley had fun playing in the water and trying to stay up while walking along the bumpy rocks.

Beautiful area...

It was Susan's bday so we found a really cool resturant that we went and had dessert at over looking the ocean. It was so nice, we had a fire behind us and watched the fog roll in at night, while sipping hot chocolate and eating dessert...yum!

gorgeous views...

Of course, the best part...fire and smores!

(I was trying out my night setting on the camera...kind of fun I thought!)

trying to dodge smoke and cook at the same time

Daddy giving everyone rides (I think he wants one now...)

And Harrison I KNOW wants one of these now! He had such a great time driving around in these! They have two of them and drove around every where! What was so cute was he wanted to drive Mckinley around and she was so content to sit right by him wherever he went, holding onto the phone for dear life!

Such a wonderful family!! Susan is actually the person that kind of got Ryan and I together in Jerusalem, she was my roommate over there and now lives about an hour away, and we actually live in her ward that she grew up in! Small world...
'

On Sunday we tried to have a little spiritual time, I taught the kids a lesson, Susan taught us and we shared some thoughts...

We went on a little hike as well and looked at the beauty around us

we found a family reunion of lady bugs it looks like

On Monday before we left we stopped at a beach (we had tried to go on Saturday but after spending forever trying to get all the gear, hiking almost there, when everyone kept telling us its too windy for the kids, so we turned around and finally made it back.) in Carmel on the way home. It was pretty but super windy still and the water was so cold!!! I miss you OBX!!

Charity has downs and she the sweetest little girl. It is so fun to see her grow and learn and how amazing her family is with her...what an angel!

But we still had a great time! We ate ice cream, made more smores (someone left a little fire going). and tried to play in the water for a couple minutes before we froze or started to blow away!

All in all it was extremely successful! We also played games, watched movies (in their camper), had fondue, a ton of food, a lot of playing in the dirt and some good conversations! We definitely want to start to do it more often!

Already SICK of winter...

And it isn't because of the weather. In fact today was a gorgeous 77 degrees outside...California is in fact great for that! Though we didn't get to enjoy it because we are SICK!

These are the totals so far:

Harrison Mckinley

1 ear infection 1 ear infection

1 runny nose 1 runny/Constantly dripping nose

1 bad wet cough 1 really bad wet cough

2 days fever up to 103.5 5 days fever average 102+

2 throwing up throwing up (I lost count)

lungs-okay but iffy lungs--bad in right lung

1 trip to the doctor 2 trips to the doctor

1 z pack (antibiotics) 1 z pack (antibiotics)

Diarrhea (thanks to the z pack)

You know all this would be okay, really I wouldn't mind because it is the middle of October and kids get sick but the real problem is THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE LAST 5 DAYS!!!

Okay, no buddy need read on but I just need to vent. Okay so most people get a virus right? Well, yeah the have a fever for a day, cough for a couple days, maybe have a runny nose for a couple days too. MY kids get sick and they get THAT! Why? I really try so hard to keep them away from sickness and do what I can at home, washing hands, try to keep them apart, try and eat healthy, ect...

And I look back and really it would be okay to be sick and do all that. The problem today was This: Okay, so we get the medicine and spend $60 dollars in gatorade/cough drops/vitamins/medicines to try and get them feeling well. So I start to give Mckinley her 1 ml of med. Instantly throws it up. I stop, wait and hour feed her wait and try another 1 ml and she keeps it down. Then I wait and try the last 1ml, throws it up. Call the doctor...she needs it, try and re dose her, gave types on what to do, blah blah, and so I try again. I give 0.5 ml, throws it up, give .3 ml throws it up, don't give any and throws who knows what up...question...when there is nothing to throw up WHY DO WE KEEP THROWING UP!

Anyway you get the idea. By the end of the day I had had it but was dealing with it until I try to give Harrison some tylenol and he...THROWS IT UP! How do you explain to a 4 year old that the reason why you yelled at the ceiling and kicked (the other one, not the one he is sitting on) the chair is NOT because you are mad at him but you are just so utterly frustrated you can't keep it inside anymore?

And believe it or not but it's not the throwing up that I'm having a hard time with, it's the THROWING UP MEDICINE that I can't handle anymore!! EVERYtime I just think about giving Kennedy her oral chemo at home right by the front door, try and blow in her face to make her swallow it and not spit in out and then literally run out the front door into the cold air to shock her into not thinking about the horrible thing I just dumped down her, so she wouldn't throw it up OR pass out because she would stop breathing. I don't even know how to continue with this train of thought.

Maybe its not even that. Maybe I just can't handle when I am trying so hard to do something for them that they need and would help them and it just isnt' working not matter what I do. No tricks were helping me today, and believe me I used them, and they would even work for Kennedy.

Really I think the thing that made me so upset was before I gave Harrison his medicine, I had set Mckinley down for a second after trying to keep some more medicine down and had walked in the kitchen. I was supprised that she even let me put her down because she really hadn't a lot of the day. I didn't hear anything but I turn around and there she was, standing there in her diaper because I was sick of changing her clothes after she threw up. She just stood there and looked at me, to tired to even protest any more and just started gagging. I have never seen her lost all energy, so listless, so void of life before.

Worry.

Worry.

That is what did it I realize. I scooped her up, and held her tight, got her slowly ready for bed, gave her an extra squeeze, made her as comfortable as I could, and nursed her to sleep.

And here I go. I have a hard time sharing how I really feel. This is why I usually can't vent on here. Because when I'm finally done. When I finally realized why I feel the way I do I feel so guilty. I feel so selfish. I just spend so much energy getting mad and angry and frustrated when I, yes I am SO INCREDIBLE BLESSED. I HAVE two beautiful, wonderful, huggable little creations HERE that I can take care of. I am able to be home with them and wipe their runny noses, and clean up after them when they are sick, and take them to the doctor when they need it....I can go on and on and on. But I am just so grateful for them. So. Grateful.

And the only reason why I'm still up and doing this is because I was waiting for the laundry (of thrown up things...) to be done to switch...and don't even get me started on THAT!

continued...Beach

So yes, it is the middle of October but I am determined to catch up! So back to the beach. The Outerbanks off of North Carolina is a place my family goes during spring break but we have never gone during the summer when it is actually warm...and it was WONDERFUL! We all got together to see my brother who came off his mission and spend some R&R together! We were there for a week and had such a blast together!

Occasionally Daddy would forget that we were supposed to be relaxing and work a little but Mckinley always tried to remind him why we were there...she'd sit right on his chest and not move...

give a few kisses...

and keep him smiling!

Sometimes we would sit around and chat (or it looks like everyone is on some type of electronic device...geesh...maybe next time I should hide those!)

We enjoyed our first little cousin James!! We decided he looks like the cute baby on the old time campbell soup commercials....loves those eyes!

My little baby brother turned 17!!! I can't believe that he is a Senior now! And what is really crazy is that he was only 5 when we got married!!!

The weather was wonderful, except one day it rained...but it was still so warm that didn't stop anyone! There was a pool size for everyone so we went to the pool while it rained.

We played some BBall at night...have to do that will all the boys together!

watched a beautiful sunset

played at the park while the boys were playing.

And Oh, yeah...we PLAYED AT THE BEACH!

It was quite a hit! We played with countless sand toys, built lots of mountains (though we were really shooting for a castle...)

Made little pools of water

tried to get a picture of Mckinley with the sunglasses ON.

found lots of shells (which was a MUST to bring home...every single one of them...)

relaxed in the shade

Had lots of sandy feet

boogie boarded, which was so fun since I hadn't done it in years!! It was so fun to have the water warm! Usually when we go during spring break the water is freezing, but it was wonderful!

Even Mckinley loved the water! I would run back and forth and back and forth with Harrison every day jumping the waves, and he was in heaven. It wasn't until a couple days before we left that I tried with Mckinley and she never wanted me to stop! We ran back and forth and she just laughed and laughed! When my back was about to break I would stop and let her hands go and she would run right back in, so I'd have to go save her and take her back again!

Most of the time my brothers were taking pics, since mine is so big, so I need to get those from them but we also went para sailing, jet skiing, played games, watched movies, played wall-e-ball, took naps, and ate lots and lots of food/candy/cookies/ice cream/popsicles (and if you know my family, you know that the amount of those items consumed are listed from least to greatest!)