ER

So our memorial day weekend didn't end like it was supposed to but I guess that things never do go that way. Harrison came down with a fever and a painful ear on Friday. I took him in and the doctor gave him a zpack. I tried to give it too him a couple times but he ended up throwing it up both times so I gave up. I was supposed to take him back in Sat. for a shot of antibiotics but he seemed better and his ear didn't hurt so I waited. Then Sunday he woke up not doing well. I finally made him choke down (literally) some ibuprofen. He was hanging in there but that night just kept getting worse. That night I took his temp. and he was at 104. He begged and cried not to take any medicine so I was too tired to fight him and told him if he went right to sleep I would take it again in two hours.

Well after 2 hours I took her temp and it was 106.1...I PANICKED!!!! So I took it multiple times and it ended up averaging 105.5, which is still NOT GOOD. I called the nurse and she told me to go to the ER since it was 10 something at night. So I made him choke down some ibuprofen and drove him to the ER. I was so grateful that Ryan was home that night so I could let Mckinley sleep.

When we got there and got checked out his temp had come down to 103 after the ibuprofen I'd given him so they gave him some Tylenol right away to see if it would drop some more. Anyway, 5 hours later Harrison's fever had broke, his bed was covered in sweat, he had an IV and had had some blood culture's and blood tests done (that looked fine), some ear drops and some IV antibiotics. They sent us home with some prescriptions for ear drop and more antibiotics.

The next morning (well a few hours later when I could drag myself out of bed) I called the doctor again and said there was NO WAY he was going to be able to take the new antibiotic ( 1 tsp 4 times a day) when he would throw up 1ml of the other med. So I took him into yet ANOTHER doctor to see how he was. I had given him ibuprofen to take away the little bit of fever that had come back. So when we went to the doctor he was acting fine, ear looked fine, temp was fine, everything was FINE! So he said I didn't have give him the antibiotic if I didn't want to and he thought that he never really had an ear infection to begin with, that it was just his allergies causing pressure in his ear and that the fever was just a nasty virus. Don't you just LOVE the whole medical institution (sorry Dad, not you)? In fact I was starting to get a panic attach just sitting in the ER waiting for the doctor! UGH!

Already SICK of winter...

And it isn't because of the weather. In fact today was a gorgeous 77 degrees outside...California is in fact great for that! Though we didn't get to enjoy it because we are SICK!

These are the totals so far:

Harrison Mckinley

1 ear infection 1 ear infection

1 runny nose 1 runny/Constantly dripping nose

1 bad wet cough 1 really bad wet cough

2 days fever up to 103.5 5 days fever average 102+

2 throwing up throwing up (I lost count)

lungs-okay but iffy lungs--bad in right lung

1 trip to the doctor 2 trips to the doctor

1 z pack (antibiotics) 1 z pack (antibiotics)

Diarrhea (thanks to the z pack)

You know all this would be okay, really I wouldn't mind because it is the middle of October and kids get sick but the real problem is THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE LAST 5 DAYS!!!

Okay, no buddy need read on but I just need to vent. Okay so most people get a virus right? Well, yeah the have a fever for a day, cough for a couple days, maybe have a runny nose for a couple days too. MY kids get sick and they get THAT! Why? I really try so hard to keep them away from sickness and do what I can at home, washing hands, try to keep them apart, try and eat healthy, ect...

And I look back and really it would be okay to be sick and do all that. The problem today was This: Okay, so we get the medicine and spend $60 dollars in gatorade/cough drops/vitamins/medicines to try and get them feeling well. So I start to give Mckinley her 1 ml of med. Instantly throws it up. I stop, wait and hour feed her wait and try another 1 ml and she keeps it down. Then I wait and try the last 1ml, throws it up. Call the doctor...she needs it, try and re dose her, gave types on what to do, blah blah, and so I try again. I give 0.5 ml, throws it up, give .3 ml throws it up, don't give any and throws who knows what up...question...when there is nothing to throw up WHY DO WE KEEP THROWING UP!

Anyway you get the idea. By the end of the day I had had it but was dealing with it until I try to give Harrison some tylenol and he...THROWS IT UP! How do you explain to a 4 year old that the reason why you yelled at the ceiling and kicked (the other one, not the one he is sitting on) the chair is NOT because you are mad at him but you are just so utterly frustrated you can't keep it inside anymore?

And believe it or not but it's not the throwing up that I'm having a hard time with, it's the THROWING UP MEDICINE that I can't handle anymore!! EVERYtime I just think about giving Kennedy her oral chemo at home right by the front door, try and blow in her face to make her swallow it and not spit in out and then literally run out the front door into the cold air to shock her into not thinking about the horrible thing I just dumped down her, so she wouldn't throw it up OR pass out because she would stop breathing. I don't even know how to continue with this train of thought.

Maybe its not even that. Maybe I just can't handle when I am trying so hard to do something for them that they need and would help them and it just isnt' working not matter what I do. No tricks were helping me today, and believe me I used them, and they would even work for Kennedy.

Really I think the thing that made me so upset was before I gave Harrison his medicine, I had set Mckinley down for a second after trying to keep some more medicine down and had walked in the kitchen. I was supprised that she even let me put her down because she really hadn't a lot of the day. I didn't hear anything but I turn around and there she was, standing there in her diaper because I was sick of changing her clothes after she threw up. She just stood there and looked at me, to tired to even protest any more and just started gagging. I have never seen her lost all energy, so listless, so void of life before.

Worry.

Worry.

That is what did it I realize. I scooped her up, and held her tight, got her slowly ready for bed, gave her an extra squeeze, made her as comfortable as I could, and nursed her to sleep.

And here I go. I have a hard time sharing how I really feel. This is why I usually can't vent on here. Because when I'm finally done. When I finally realized why I feel the way I do I feel so guilty. I feel so selfish. I just spend so much energy getting mad and angry and frustrated when I, yes I am SO INCREDIBLE BLESSED. I HAVE two beautiful, wonderful, huggable little creations HERE that I can take care of. I am able to be home with them and wipe their runny noses, and clean up after them when they are sick, and take them to the doctor when they need it....I can go on and on and on. But I am just so grateful for them. So. Grateful.

And the only reason why I'm still up and doing this is because I was waiting for the laundry (of thrown up things...) to be done to switch...and don't even get me started on THAT!

Colds...

I let Harrison go to nursery last Sunday because: 

1.  Last week Harrison was going through the mail with me and saw a picture of some kids in an add and he took it from me and just stared at it and said, "I love kids."

2.  We went for a walk outside and he saw a kid across the street and he just stopped and stared at him...I couldn't get him to keep walking and he said, "I love kids."

3.  Everyday he says MANY TIMES, "I love friends. I love kids."

So I couldn't handle keeping him at home anymore.  And of course Tues. night (when Ryan was out of town) he was up a lot and then woke up with a runny nose (quite a fun night, running back and forth between him and then feeding Mckinley--I'm sure you all can relate).  Then 

Thursday Ry didn't feel good and Friday Mckinley and I got it!  So her first cold.  Luckily it is just a virus with no fever and just a sore throat and runny nose so she has been handling it pretty well!  Her incision is healed.  The stitches came out a couple weeks ago and her last echo and chest xray looked good!  We go back next week and hopefully not for again for a while!!!